11.24.2002 8:50 pm
anna begins

feeling fat today. feeling like i'm lost and confused. seeing songs was, on one level, pure joy, because (oh, anna, trust... you need to trust trav, and i know it's scary to do so... and another thing, when your father wrote "tell anna i love her"? that's not love... that was his disease, sweetheart, not love.) because it was so incredibly good. on another level, though, it was so hard to see, to think that I could be up there singing, if i had it together enough to get into that program. jason said i could have been in it. thanks, jason. i just feel like i've fallen down somehow, in terms of singing. with the smoking, and the not having been in a musical in ages and ages, which used to be my life, my life! it was all i did! and now i can't even get into a stupid show here at usm. and freshmen get cast in lead roles. i didn't even get a chorus part. it's hard, too, that there are other people who are SO much better than me. i'm not even taking voice lessons, and i should be. it was hard, last year, when i didn't get a callback for into the woods. but i got over it. partially thanks to anna, bless her heart, dragging me to all the auditions this year. well, she didn't drag me, but i probably wouldn't have gone without her having been going, too. thanks for that, anna. but also...

i have to go for now.

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