01.20.2003 5:35 pm
new honesty

Holy shit, dude. If L.A. is such a dream city, where's Matt's happiness? Why does he depend so much on his contact with friends back here? Why... why... why... And part of this is hypocritical, because I don't really talk at all to Matt, so I don't know: Does he have a job? Does he feel happy? It's nice that he's left Anna alone for a bit, she has a life to live and she's chosen not to have him in it. (And I realize I'm only writing this hoping that he'll read that. Do I want to elicit some response? Maybe I should erase it. It's not really a can of worms that I'm interested in opening. Eh, I'll leave it there. Makes me feel good.) And it's a choice to use proper capitalization again. I realize the lower-case was entirely because of Chris, because of how private it made me feel, but now I realize I have the self-esteem for uppercase letters. Ha, take that. Wow, this is the bitchiness I was talking to Corey about, a new freedom to speak my mind. This [Dar Williams - Spring Street] forum is a weak one, but it's a start. And what can it hurt, speaking my mind? Makes me feel good, somehow. Makes me scared, too, of rejection and honest hatred.

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