02.22.2003 11:40 pm
i had a good conversation with jason

I don't quite know what to do with myself anymore. I haven't memorized Machinal, but I'm supposed to be off-book by Monday. I can't seem to keep the words in my head.

Recorded almost all of Trav's cd today in Corthell Hall. His music is incredible. If he were a... friendlier person, I might fall in love with him. But I think the way he is dismissive of Anna is really unattractive. I'm way too needy and demanding. In a relationship, I'd demand that kind of physical attention. I can just hear myself saying it: "Hug me! Come back here! Don't you walk away...." *smile*

For Corey: [John Gorka - Armed With A Broken Heart]

This occurred to me in the car the other day: "I walk as one below the ground in a world of those above it. This is the kind of life that spirals down into oblivion."

We need a good rain storm. Each plink of rain on the pavement, one single beat of a heart over the course of a lifetime. One drop can fall on your face, one among many, and each one is the rush of blood through veins, the complete cycle of vital essence to every cell of your body. Cleansing rain.

I wonder if I'll stick it out to the end of the semester, or if I'll end up leaving... Maybe tomorrow. Maybe something tomorrow will turn the tide, make it harder to stay and easier to go.

And... like that! (blows sand from the palm of her hand) She was gone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -