03.31.2003 2:50 am
so i'm sad

I'm sad. I'm sad that it's so late and I'm exhausted. I'm sad that I don't always act right in social situations. I'm sad that I couldn't just hang out with my friends tonight. I'm sad that my homework isn't finished. I'm sad that Corey let me sit in the chach on his bed. Because it seemed to me like he knew the chach was there, and then not only did he not stop me, he pointed it out. I'm sad that Anna's not here, but I'm glad too because I don't have to keep the lights out and be quiet. I'm sad that I was going to eat a bowl of ramen noodles but now I'm too grossed out and I feel like I'm going to be sick to my stomach. I don't care if I'm overreacting. I feel sick now. And it sucks. And if I was leaning on the chach, how could Corey have seen it? And it made me sad that Ariel cried, and I'm sad about my part and how it's looking like we are only going to get in a couple more runs before the show, and I had thought tech would be over and done with by today. And I'm sad that I don't think tattoos are cool, and I'm sad that I overreacted. It probably wouldn't have been as long if people hadn't been there, but it still would have been pretty long. And I'm sad that I thought I had locked myself out of my room, and I'm sad that I would rather have slept in the hallway than gone back in tears to Corey's room. It would have been nice if I had felt like a part of that soiree. I did, for a while, even though I was doing my own thing and everybody else was watching South Park or looking at tattoos or whatever. But then Corey called my blanket a tiger, and I told him "It's a leopard" and he argued with me ("There's a tiger bit right here!" "If anything, that's a zebra bit, and it's only a little bit! It's a LEOPARD blanket!"), and then he called me crochety, and Kristin said I was being mean (or something), and... I wasn't trying to be mean. I don't understand how I was mean! But then it was them against me, the out of control one. The in-control vs. the out-of-control. The in-kids vs. the outsider. Us vs. them. All I wanted was a hug and a "good night." What did I get? "Crochety."

[Primitve Radio Gods - Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth]

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