03.03.2004 11:52 pm
burn motherfucker, burn

I've been burning the wick at both ends... the candle... something. Burning. Things. Me. Someone once told me, as I lit a small piece of flash paper in my palm and watched as it dazzled in the darkness, "People who are fascinated by fire want to consume the world."

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The clean collegiate sun that pervades universities with plenty of money is streaming in through the gap in his windowshade. I've just had one of those moments with another person where you are so completely happy and at ease that it's hard to breathe. I look down at his dark skin against darker sheets. I want to tell him how perfect it all feels, the endlessness of this moment in my life, but all that comes out is, "I want... to eat you." "Hm," he says. "That's a little weird, Jos." But I did. I wanted to swallow him whole, to feel permanently completed.

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I could burn the whole world. I could shave my head, light the hair-pile on fire, and let... "let the motherfucker burn."

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