03.27.2004 5:28 pm
a spark

There are lies we tell ourselves because... lies are like fucking packing peanuts. We lie to fill up space. Sometimes even when I don't mean to lie, a lie comes out, protecting myself or someone else. So I don't care. Lie, don't lie, protect yourself, whatever. Tell as much of the truth as you need to tell.

"I hope he appreciates you."

I certainly made no promises. Like I said, I live for that moment, for the glimmer in another person's eyes, for that spark of recognition. It's a simple thing, and a transitory thing.

And I've seen it in you.

That's the most I hope for.

I miss James. I miss him being around to be a friend to me. He told me that this summer he might drive cross-country to come back to New York for his father's wedding. I hope I can go with him. I don't know what to expect from him anymore, but I know that he's the person with whom I feel most at ease. And he's still dangerous enough to me to be fascinating. God, I love dangerous people.... There's so much more I could say, that I had to erase just now. It doesn't belong here.

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