04.03.2004 11:17 am
BYOBC

Sweet sweet sweat, a fine film all over. Tap class. Taking time steps far too slowly, but nice nonetheless. Muscles tightening in the backs of my legs, and maybe it'll hurt tomorrow, but I love it for now. I needed that.

I can't find "Wit" - either I loaned it to someone who hasn't given it back, or it's lost somewhere in the world, far from my eyes. That means no play analysis homework, not until I find a copy. Shitty. I'm meeting with Jae at twelve to do back work, so I'll focus on production management.

I think I need vegetables. My stomach has been feeling awful for the past few days, so I'm not exactly sanguine about the party tonight. I hope the show goes as well tonight as it did yesterday. Chris seemed so pleased with the performance, but I came home and bitched to my roomates. Some things just rankle me.

And of course, there's that ever-present, total-frustration thing... and I want to either hit something or cry. I can't decide how I feel, or how to feel. So cold this morning, the air damp and unfeeling. It felt good, leaving tap, but on the way there, joking with Jason about GI Joe, I felt sick. I keep telling people that it will be spring by the time the show ends, but I'm not really confident of that. Anna says May is still cold in Maine. I guess she's right, but I don't want to believe it. I'm dying for that day when we throw a Plastic-Off-The-Windows party. BYOBC: Bring your own box cutter.

One of the hardest things in my life, I feel (and thank goodness, this is the hardest; it means my life ain't that bad), is my duality in my perception of people. All my friends have their good and their bad parts. How do I see each individual's bad parts, but appreciate them anyway? It makes me think of Mia, with her new "I'll be nice to Josie" philosophy. Thank you, Mia. I appreciate that, truly. So she's trying, but clearly she still sees me in whatever light Corey painted for her. I catch glimpses of it now and then. Does this duality exist with everyone? Are we better at hiding it with some people than with others? I can't say. It doesn't mean that I don't like my friends. I'm just struggling... a reconciliation of good and bad parts.

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